What If I Don’t Want a Divorce but My Spouse Does?

 Posted on September 25, 2026 in Divorce

Finding out your spouse wants a divorce when you don’t is heartbreaking. Understandably, you may be unsure about what you can and can’t do in the divorce process. Can you demand that your spouse try to reconcile before starting a divorce? Can a divorce court order counseling or similar?

In Illinois, you can’t stop a divorce simply by refusing to agree to it. Your spouse has the right to ask the court for a divorce even if you do not agree. You can, however, take part in the case, protecting your finances and keeping a say in decisions about your children. Choosing to do this rather than waiting for the court to make decisions can help you come to an arrangement that you are more at peace with.

A Bolingbrook, IL divorce attorney can explain your options if your spouse has filed or plans to file for divorce in 2026.

Can You Stop Your Spouse From Getting a Divorce in Illinois?

Illinois is a no-fault divorce state. A court grants a divorce when "irreconcilable differences" have caused the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage (750 ILCS 5/401). The court also has to find that efforts to reconcile have failed, or that further attempts wouldn’t be practical or in the family’s best interests.

Only one spouse needs to believe the marriage is over. You can tell the court you think the marriage can still be saved, and a judge may consider that. If you and your spouse have lived apart for at least six months before the judgment, though, the law presumes irreconcilable differences exist, and the divorce can proceed no matter your objections.

Can You Ask an Illinois Court to Order Reconciliation When Your Spouse Initiates a Divorce?

Illinois law allows for something called a conciliation conference after a divorce has been initiated (750 ILCS 5/404). If ordered, the conference gives you and your spouse a chance to discuss whether reconciliation is possible. What is said during the conference generally cannot be used in the divorce case unless both spouses agree in writing. 

If your spouse is firm about ending the marriage, however, a judge may decide reconciliation isn’t realistic.

What Happens If You Ignore Divorce Papers in Illinois?

Unfortunately, refusing to respond to divorce papers won’t stop a divorce from happening. After you’re served, you’ll usually have 30 days to file an appearance, which tells the court you plan to take part in the case. If you don’t, your spouse may ask for a "default judgment." The court could then decide property division, maintenance, and parenting issues without hearing from you. Taking part in the case may be painful, but it’s also how you protect your interests.

Filing an appearance doesn’t mean you agree the marriage is over. It’s possible for you and your spouse to try something like counseling even as your case proceeds (if your spouse agrees).

How Can You Protect Yourself During a Divorce You Don’t Want in Illinois?

Do your best to consider the issues that may come up in the divorce if your spouse insists on continuing the case. The following can be helpful:

• Gather copies of tax returns, bank and retirement statements, and loan records

• Watch marital accounts for unusual withdrawals or transfers

• Keep your routine with your children and stay involved in their schooling and activities

• Be careful about what you post on social media or put in texts to your spouse

• Find a lawyer you trust to represent you if needed

• Talk to your lawyer before moving out of the home or signing any agreement

It’s normal to struggle to process a divorce you didn’t want. Lean on your support systems and take time before making decisions about property division, child custody, and other issues that will come up if the divorce proceeds. Remember that your spouse’s behavior is not in your control and you still have the possibility of a great, fulfilling life, no matter what ultimately happens.

Call a Lombard, IL Family Law Attorney Today

You may not be able to stop your spouse from divorcing you, but you can make sure your side of the situation is heard.

The two lawyers at The Law Offices of Robert F. Kramer, Ltd. bring over 40 years of combined experience, including trial and appellate work. Our Bolingbrook, IL divorce lawyers will guide you through each step and help protect your finances and your time with your children.

Call The Law Offices of Robert F. Kramer, Ltd. at 630-785-2400 to schedule your free 30-minute initial consultation.